Arrggh

Broadband internet + limewire = more Mp3's than I can handle. Found that Dr Who theme by Orbital I've wanted for ages, discovered Rare Earth (they did "War, what is it good for) and just got four different covers of Comfortably Numb. Must get ipod to store it all....

Snow's, the chunder people

Just ate some Clam Chowder. It was given to me - I didn't buy it. Despite not being all that much into seafood and despite the fact that I think chowder sounds too close to chunder, I tried it. Mainly because I always wanted to know what it is. Now I know. Think of smelly, fishy, creamy soup with chunder-like bits of stuff like potato and other unidentifiable lumps. Yuk. I even got sucked in by the blurb on the can:
For generations, New Englanders [who?] grew up on Snow's Authentic New England Chowders [man they must be sick of it]. For over eighty years, Snows harvested fresh clams from the deep icy waters of the north atlantic with their own fishing boats [does it make a diff whose boats?], and combined them with potatoes and spices to create a creamy tasting clam chowder, full of clams [no shit] that's truely authentic [Down with fake chowder!]. Capture that hearty New England tradition today, only from Snow's, the chowder people.

One to remember

As it was Ryans last night on thursday night, Hammer, me and Marketing Guy (otherwise known as MG) took him out to Castro Street to celebrate. We got a cab down and started at a brewry bar. One pint and three samplers later we moved to some Irish pub called Molly Magees or something.
There was quite a crowd inside but we tried to stay away in order to have a yarn. Highlights of the night include four more pints each and assisting in tipping a vending machine and scoring a free chocolate bar despite being told off by the bouncers.
On the way back down Castro Street, we change our minds about going home and duck into a funky nightclubthing for another. Out of only two choices - Guinness and something called Sierra, I choose the latter. Turns out to be the foulest thing ever tasted and we successfully swap it for a fresh pint of Guiness each despite the sour looks from the bartender. Apparently there was nothing wrong with it - it was just shit. The Guiness wasn't real Guiness either but at least it was drinkable.

Now for the fun part.

Some time in the future I may return to this post and edit in what happened next [Insert Sordid Details Here]...so Ryan lands backwards on the road, gets up and it is immediately evident he has cut his head open at the back. It is about 1:30. As Hammer holds his the back of his head to stop the bleeding we proceed to walk the 1 or more miles back to the apartment building. Taxis are impossible to find here, you don't even see them during the day on the roads so we have no choice. After washing the blood out of his hair we can see that a visit to the hospital is required. So we take my car and go down the road to the El Camino Hospital Emergency Room. Wait over 3 hours I figure for service and treatment. Not sure as I fall asleep in the waiting room. Ryan gets stapled up and when we get back I stumble into bed. It is 5:30 am. Work the next day is interesting to say the least.

We have four American flags and three pint glasses.

Ryan comes to see me at my apartment the next day before he leaves for the airport. He seems ok despite a headache. Turns out the poor guy was diagnosed with concussion when he got home. Not good.

Exhausted

While I am trying to keep my sordid work details out of here, I did work a 14 hour day on Wednesday. Dealing with crisis after crisis as the only company representative on the front line of support. Thank god for the long Memorial Day weekend coming up (a bit like Anzac Day). I may take a trip towards Monteray etc.

California Fried Chicken

On Monday night I cooked the chicken I bought at Albertsons. It appeared quite soft when I put it in the pan and it immediately left a soft surface goo on the frypan. It disintegrated slightly when I poked it with the tong things I got given in my apartment. Even when cooked it was soft as well. A bit disconcerting really.
I put in some red kidney beans and the vodka marinara and had it with some good Trader Joes' fettucini. All in all it wasn't too bad. Ate this for the next two days. I will have to track down a proper butcher - or become a vegetarian by choice. Vic I and Vic C would be proud.

Comments!

You can now add comments to my postings presumably by clicking on the comments caption. Despite El Guapo making me do this he hasn't added anything yet. Just like when he makes us all start CS and then doesn't join in for an hour.

Freeways

I'm still not good with Freeway entrances and exits. Getting on, the entrances will all be on the right hand side, with the directions of the freeway described as "North" or "South". Seeing as most of the freeways I use run MUCH more east-west than north-south this is a little confusing. Often I can work it out if the sign says "San Francisco" or not. Also the nature of the entrance ramps that sometimes curve through 720 degrees means you can't tell where it is going until you get on it. The same goes for exits. The whole system actually beats the freeways back home because there are no traffic lights involved anywhere - I'm just not used to it.

Revenge of the Snackbar Sith

After the sun was going down and it was too cold to stay by the pool I decided to go to the movies and see Episode III of Star Wars. The apartment concierge (a guy named "Tyger") showed me where the nearest cinemas were. The nearest one was up Shoreline road near the bay. An easy drive and a good exercise in navigating somewhere and getting to know the area. Huge car park but the cinemas themselves were a little strange. Obviously old, there was a ticket office on the street a snackbar area inside and little else.
Got a drink from said snackbar. What I really like about these places and also fast food outlets is the self-serve drinks. They give you a paper cup of size according to what you pay and you fill it yourself. That way I can avoid getting 30% ice dumped in the bottom to rip me off. Of course the smallest cup you can get is equivalent to almost as big as the largest you can get in oz. The largest size is positively terrifying.
Inside the almost-packed theatre I watched the Americans while waiting for the movie to start. Dad's, Mom's, Kids and everyone else proceeded to consuming enough junk food to feed a small African nation. The noise alone was amazing. Honestly I saw people eating courses with desert and everything. Feel slightly sick, thankfully the movie starts.
Movie was the best of the three so far but still sort of disappointing for numerous reasons. Sorry, I don't do movie reviews.

Pool party

Sunday arvo the apartment staff were throwing a pool party at 2pm with free pizza and "soda". Perfect for breakfast. The pizza was classic simple American stuff but it was pretty good. Ryan was down by the pool also. Grabbed a book and spent the whole arvo sunbathing and reading. Even brought down mylaptop and managed to get into some open wireless networks. This has saved my life as I still dont have a phone connected at the apartment and can only get email from the office. Did some blogging wirelessly too.
Nicely added to yesterdays sunburn but it is not serious. You just dont burn as easily or as quickly here than at home. In 6 months there is the possibility that I could actually get a tan for the first time in my life.

Ad from the back page of the Silicon Valley Metro #2

Get Out Of Jail In About 72 Hours!

SAVE MONEY doing a signature release (property bond) instead of paying thousands in bail bonds. Signer must have a real property that qualifies. Call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx

Dairy: They just don't get it (Things that suck about America #2)

The dairy section of the supermarket is amazingly small. I thought I couldn't find the rest at first. American's grow their cows by feeding them a growth hormone called rBST which makes them produce about three times as much milk as a natural cow. This stuff has basically been proven to cause cancer but of course the American farm lobby is so powerful they can't ban it. They actually have to PAY farmers compensation not to use it. My Trader Joes milk was free of it, but of course it is so modified (reduced fat etc) that it is still not real. Bought some yogurt at Albertsons. This so-called yogurt is like liquid plastic. I could easily be convinced there is no milk in here at all. Everyone uses either whitener powder or UHT type milk shots in their coffee. Butter is white (at least the stuff I bought) and the cheese is deep orange. Cream is very hard find and comes in little milk cartons. I think that'll do about milk products.

*Mashy acquires deodorant*

Slept in Sunday morning for the first time since I arrived. Left the building and walked through the San Antonio "Mall" right behind the apartment building. Shopped at Wal Mart. Wal Mart is just like K Mart at home - nothing more to say really. Got some laundry detergent, toothpaste, and other associated stuff. Practically every brand I have seen/used at home is here so it is easy to find what I am looking for. My main achievement here was acquiring deodorant. Managed to get my hands on some aerosol deodorant which apparently is hard to find. Americans tend to like the rub-on stick type ones - don't know why. Why you would want to rub into your armpit something you rubbed into your armpit yesterday escapes me.

Made a second trip to Trader Joe's and Albertsons. By this time it is heating up a bit and it must have reached 28/29 degrees I guess. Trader Joes is a specialty supermarket that contains a lot of imported food, healthy food etc. The floor is made up of two isles food, one isle home type products and three isles of alcohol. Gotta love those priorities. This is the place to buy beer as they have micro-brewry and imported stuff. Hammer and Ryan both buy copious amounts of alcohol here (only joking). Got some healthy milk as that is all they had. This is where I found the Vodka Marinara - just had to try it.

Albertsons is just a regular supermerket. Got some chicken here which looked relatively normal. The cooking of this substance will make up a future post....

Returning over the GGB, you have to pay a toll based on the number of axels on your vehicle. Methinks this guy is getting away with something. Wonder how many people you can fit inside before it snaps in the middle. 

Saw a few tennis balls in the gutters around San Fran. Can't think of any reason they are there other than people wanting to roll something down a hill like this. Very tempting. I can see why there are no supermarkets at the top end of town. A runaway trolley could be spectacular. 

Up Up and away. 

Who's bright idea was it to put a city here anyway?

For some reason we decided to climb some of the streets in the steep direction. Seemed like very few people were doing this, and it was no bloody wonder. You can pick your fellow tourists in San Fran because they are panting too. I was a bit sore the next day.
Did the tourist stuff - looked at the steep streets, took photos of the tramcars and looked at the buildings. Followed a tour group around. Pity the tour was in French or we might have learnt something. To stuffed to do anything that night so we dropped Screws and Jiggy back at their hotel and went home.

The seals. Jiggy really enjoyed them. They did seal things and made much noise and smell. 

Pier 39. Really alive. 

Driving over the GGB 

San Fran take one

San Francisco
Got up 8am Saturday (8AM SATURDAY) and left at 9:00 with Hammer to pick up Jiggy from the airport. Picked up Screws as well on the way as he was staying in a hotel near SF airport. While we wait for Screws we wander inside the hotel courtyard and then back to the desk again when we spot Screws checking out. The concierge must have mistaken us for guests seeing as we appeared to come from inside the hotel and offers us breakfast (COMPLIMENATARY BREAKFAST). Hammer and I jump for it and we pig out while we are waiting for Jiggy to ring to say his plane has landed. Pig out is not quite the right term for that food however but being free makes it taste better and knowing you aren't entitled to it makes it taste even better.

Did about 15 laps around the airport international arrivals waiting for Jiggy. Thank god Screws had his cell phone number as it turns out he is at a domestic terminal and doesn't know it. To cut a long story short we finally get him in the car about 1 hour after we picked up Screws.

Drive into San Fran and do more circles trying to get to Screws and Jiggy's hotel. Seems hard to navigate here as Hammer was doing a pretty good job and we still got a bit lost. The famous San Fran bums were out and about (where else would they be) and this was pretty interesting. A lot of them actualy appear to enjoy their conspicuousness (spelling?) and seemed very harmless. Jiggy seemed a bit obsessed with them but I won't embarass him further.

As the other two checked into their hotel, Hammer and I did laps of the city as parking is pretty impossible. After the laps at the airport I am starting to get a bit dizzy. Drove over the Golden Gate and did the tourist thing. Apparently it was a miracle for it to be such a cloudless day. Weather was perfect in fact.
Drove back over the bridge, parked down at the marina and went for a walk around the bay. Had an ok lunch at a cafe and walked futher around pier 39 and fishermans wharf. This place was really buzzing and packed out. Great just to walk around. Saw the seals that congregate at pier 39. Again Jiggy appeared obsessed with them but I won't embarass him further. Stopped at the bar that has 70 beers and downed one of them each.
Next stop - climbing those dammed hills.

Driving on the Real on the wrong side of the road. 

Friday arvo (still)

After work meet up with Ryan, Hammer and some other guys from my company. Went to downtown Palo Alto and went to a bar. People everywere. Really nice area with lot of restaurants. Saw a few police around including a foot patrol that included a guy who had a nightstick so big it was slung over his sholder. I guess that's why the area is so safe. Otherwise it is rare to see the police around Mountain View. Meanwhile at the bar, drank some fantastic micro-brewry beer and talked shit. Got home about 2:00

One gallon per flush.

I find out a gallon is 3.86 litres by reading it off the top of a lavatory cistern at the customer site. Apparently it uses 1 gallon per flush. Should come in handy for calculating the price of 'gas'...the 3.86 litres that is, not the flush thing.

One for all the Russians. Yes it has vodka in it and has an interesting taste. I cooked it with chicken and kidney beans and pasta. Don't think I'll be buying it again however unless people put in orders for it from oz. 

After getting back with the car I hang around at the apartment as we have a lunch for all the field employees at an Indian restaurant that I know is somewhere nearby on the El Camino Real (sounds better when you say it in a latino accent).
Drive around for 20 mins up and down the road looking for the restaurant. Get lots of practice at lefthand U-turns. Finally find it in the opposite side of the street to where I thought it was. Go in - I am 15 mins late but I can't find anyone! The front desk says he only has a booking for two companies which definitely aren't mine. I walk through the restaurant but can't see anyone I know. So I go up the street to try to find a payphone (or anyone kind enough to offer any other phone). I walk into a hairdresser. Conversation with female latino desk clerk follows:
Mashy: Can you please tell me where I can find a payphone?
Clerk: [blank stare. almost panick]
Mashy: I need to find a payphone.
Clerk: phone?
Mashy: Yes a phone. Where can I find one?
clerk: eerrrrrr..
Then she rudely answers her phone and ignores me hoping I go away. I do.

200m down the road in the opposite direction. I find a payphone. Proceed to call Hammer using 50c change only to find he is not at the lunch. He gives me his calling card details so that I can make more phone calls for nothing. Call Ryan but he is not answering. Wait five minutes by walking back up the the restaurant to take a look. Still no-one I know. Backat the payphone I now have to wait 5 minutes for some scary looking dude to finish with it.
Then call Ryan again. No answer. Then call Milan who I thought would not be at the lunch. Wow! Aparently they are inside in a back room and have been for 1 hour. FUCK. So I'm only 1 hour late, lucky they booked for two hours. The only small consolation is that lunch is paid for on bigwig managers card. Didn't know they did that anymore as corporate lunches back home have been long gone. Together with the donuts, bbq, having no breakfast etc I haven't had to pay for too many meals so far.
Follow Milan back to the customer site. First time I have driven there.

Advertisement from the back page of the Silicon Valley Metro:

Pass Any Drug Test!
Urine, Blood, Hair Folicle or Saliva. [telephone number]
www.ipassedmydrugtest.com

..hmmm......

One of these two cars is mine. See if you can guess which one. Sure makes parking an experience when there's a friggin corvette in the space next to yours. 

My shit wheels

Friday morning got up early, checked out of my hotel and walked my stuff 200m to the apartment. Threw my stuff down and then decided to see if my car was ready. Because I still dont have a freaken cell phone I call the AVIS from the apartment lobby. The dude agrees to pick me up even though he is in Palo Alto. I have no idea how far this is. (turns out to be about 8 miles). Even though it is on the SAME ROAD as us just in another suburb, the dude wants directions. I try giving directions to him through the concierge but he seems to have no idea and can't get a thing right. Janet the concierge takes the phone and sorts him out in about 3 seconds. She is a legend and is so far at the top of my list of worlds best americans that there may as well be no-one else on the list. Guy won't even drive into the front driveway and I have to walk up to the street. This makes Janet pretty angry "No customer service that's for sure" As I said, legend.

The whole directions thing should have been a clue. Car guy, whilst being awefully nice turns out to be my first stupid American!!
Extracts of conversation:
Car Guy: So you're from.. England?
Mashy: no Australia actually
Car Guy: Oh yeah. same accent isn't it.
Mashy: well they're a little bit different..(hint of polite sarcasm)
Car Guy: oh yeah, a little bit different... (totally serious)
Amongst the things I was asked 'Do you have it there'? are:
Chinese food, special olympics - Dont ask.
Also "How does your price of gas compare to here?" I didn't have the heart to break it to him that I have no freaken idea seeing as the prices are in US dollars and gallons. He fills the time trying to be helpful talking about the places we pass on the way.

He tells me the car we are in is actually the one they will give me when we get to the lease office. It is a Ford Taurus. Doh!. It has only done 5000 miles which apparently is good he tells me. "If they are going to break down, it will have happened already." Never heard of a new car breaking down. Turns out the car build quality here is shithouse. Apparently they do their first service after 5000 MILES, not even an oil change before that. Together with the cheap price of cars, this is one reason most of the cars on the road are less than 3 years old.

Pickup car, I just KNOW that he has no idea I have never driven on this side of the road. I pray this doesn't come into the conversation and that it is not obvious when I drive away.
Pretty nervous, jump in car and turn right onto El Camino Real. Not too hard. The lanes are wide and people seem to be pretty alert. Two mintues later I have the radio on. One minute later I am driving one handed in my true style. Its lucky I have driven American trucks before as I am used to the style of all the controls and use I the side mirrors which are really usefull to check lane positioning. One more right hand turn gets me back to the apartment.

Left-hand drive version of Monica's car. I think. Saw it in the car park of the San Antonio Mall. 

BBQ

I am slightly dreading having to find something to eat at this time of night. I haven't eaten since lunch and it is now 9:00. I am freaken starving.
When I come down the concierge asks me if I am hungry. "yeah" I say. Then she invites me to a BBQ some of the staff are having at the pool. Meet a bunch of really nice people and have a fantastic beef, bacon and sauce hamburger cooked in foil on the BBQ plate with a brick on top. Go back to hotel.

The south apartment tower from rear street. I am in the north tower hidden a bit on the right. 

My awesome apartment 2 

My awesome apartment 1 

My Pad

Sleep a little at first then I am awake all night. This must be jet lag. Then I sleep really well from about 8:am. End up sleeping in till 10:30 which gives me no time to check my email before an 11:00 meeting I have this morning. My meeting is with my relocation consultant in the lobby of the apartment tower leasing office. She is very nice, but we dont have time to finish our tour as I have to get picked up by Milan on his way to the customers office.

Get picked up by Milan from the hotel and taken to the customer site. Spend the day there. At the end of the day Ryan drives me to the appartment block and I get the keys to my apartment which is now ready. The hotel will charge me another night now, so I may as well stay the extra night at the hotel. After picking up the keys I go check out my room.

This apartment rocks!. It has pool, gym and a concierge from 7-11. These people are so nice it's like they were bred that way. They will do absolutely anything for you like finding somewhere to go, something to eat, something to do etc. The staff have regular pool parties and BBQ's for the residents, there is free coffee in the lobby and regularly free donuts as well. The donuts serve as emergency meals on more than one occaision in the next few days. I am on the 10th floor (second from top) and have a great view of the San Antonio Mall. Only downside is that I don't have phone or internet hooked up. Major pain as now I have to go down 10 floors to make a phone call.

Carefull! Don't fall in!

American toilet bowls are about the size of a small 25m pool. And flush about that much water too. You could seriously keep a small trout in there and it would be perfectly happy. They make just as much noise as aircraft toilets too when you flush them.

Hotel Room 

First Night

Left the office and Hammer drove me to the apartment building I should be staying in. Turns out my room will not be ready until thursday night. The concierge at the appartments, helps to book a room in the hotel next door, then we go and check in. The hotel next door is a Best Western otherwise known as the 'hookup joint' of the area. The free broadband internet in the rooms is fantastic, just connect my laptop and off I go.

After checking in, went with Ryan and Hammer to the Los Alamos grill. Had to wait about 20 mins for a table. Had a couple of pints of beer while waiting. Note I haven't eaten anything except a small sandwich since 8:30 that morning. The food was great. Had some beef ribs that were gigantic with mash and a really nice salad. The rib meat just fell off the ribs. Best ribs ever. The service was also fantastic, empty beer glasses were whisked off the table as soon as you put them down and all the staff were ridiculously friendly. Had a couple more pints of beer. Because I am jet lagged, dehydrated and have hardly eaten, the friggin beer just goes straight through me and I go to the 'restrooms' about 8 times through the night. Get dropped at the hotel drunk, tired, happy.

Smooth Sailing

NOT. Lets see...
1. The stupid relocation people haven't got my apartment ready despite telling me that it would be when I arrived. I have to check into a hotel down the road. I'm not paying so I shouldn't care.
2. I have no pass to the office.
3. I have no pass to the customer site. My company HR started told me they would initiate the security check required on me 3 weeks ago. After pinging HR they tell me the wait will be 2-3 weeks and they have 'escalated' it. I strongly suspect somebody has sat on their fat ass rather than do their job.
4. I have no car. The relocation people vanished in the 5 days before my arrival. Despite issuing instructions as to what I want and where I want to pick the car up nothing has been done. Have to get Hammer, Ryan, Milan to drive me around.
5. My email doesn't work from the customer site.
6. It's a miracle my laptop can run anything post DOS6.
7. I am still deodorant-less.

Despite all this, everyone incredibly nice. Staying on a street called El Camino Real. Awesome. Rolls off the tounge. Feel like I am in a spagetti western.

Stay tuned for 'First night piss up' and 'What's this small swimming pool doing in my bathroom?.

15 hours in a chair

United flight from mel to syd? Good apart from the first-time flying 6 year old two rows back who started screaming like she was being strangled as soon as the engines started. Seems like take-off took forever with that racket. Any self-respecting 7 year-old would have been happy with the playlunch served mid flight. Sort of makes you feel good to know there is an airline worse than Qantas.
Realised after take off that being sans-deodorant (I ran out that morning), I may not have a chance to buy some after I arrive. Tried looking for some as I got off at sydney but had to rush straight onto the conecting flight. The fucking single-queue repeat security check in the transfers area just sucked all the time up. Instead I got on the plane as a walking chemical weapon. I wish they knew what they had done.
Got an aisle seat with NO-ONE next to me even though the plane was pretty full Praise the Lord! Made the flight quite bearable. Dinner was an awesome spiced chicken thing. Breakfast was unedible. Curious to know how they make scrambled eggs rock hard and tasteless. Despite arriving early, we were stuck in a holding pattern for 30 mins due to bad weather and ended up late.
Happy that I didn't smell too bad on landing. Hammer was waiting for me at the airport which was awesome and dropped me off at the office. And the fun was just beginning...

My empire for an ipod

Can't get enough of Sol y Sombra by the Cat Empire. Currently don't know how I will get through the next 18 hours of flight related activities without listening to it once. I am trying to flood my system by listening to it a many times as possible in a row. In fact I'm having major withdrawal symptoms for the whole two-shoes album. Must buy an ipod-like device.....

The world revolves around America #2

Let me see. I have an expense. I want to claim it. I go to the expenses system and enter the details. EXPENSE NOT ALLOWED.
Why?
Well apparently today's date is not valid. Because the sun has not risen yet in the good ole Land of the Free, apparently today does not exist yet. So I guess the whole world waits until that continent (which happens to be the last land mass before the date line) gets around to it. hmmmm

The world revolves around America #1

When you claim $800 AUD via internet expenses system and you declare the de-imbursement currency as AUD you would think they would re-imburse you $800 AUD. But no. You get $791.50 AUD. Apparently they are doing some kind of currency exchange OUT OF AND BACK INTO Australian dollars at what is probably slightly different rates. Nice chance to write a subtly angry and sarcastic email and see if they detect said sarcasm and anger.

Alcohol worship?

I am dealing with two chicks who are my destination services consultants for my relocation. One is called Sherri (with an 'i') and the other is Brandi (also with an 'i). They sure love naming their females after alcoholic drinks. Resolve to meet at least one chardonnay, whiski, ginni or rummi while I am here.

Have Visa will travel

The lovely people at the US Consulate got my Visa to me in one working day. Wow. For that i'll even forgive them for sticking the visa on a random page in the middle of the passport (what's wrong with the first blank page???)

Booked tix today for the 18th May. Now I am panicking. Spent all day attempting to claim for all the money that they owe me...

Can't even bring a pen. (My Trip to the US Consulate)

Last Friday. Got up at 6:00. Yes 6:00 to make it on the train to the US consulate on lovely St Kilda Road at 8:30 am. My fault for booking so early but I like to be first off the bat with any kind of appointment - there's less chance of being delayed by people in front of you if there is no-one in front of you. Same goes for doctors appointments etc...

Anyway- despite joking that I probably shouldn't wear a belt or anything, I didn't follow my own advice and wore one. Guess what happened? Had to take off my watch, belt, jacket (zipper) change, wallet before I could get through the bloody detector. And then I had my pen confiscated. I was sure for things like this they would appreciate it if you bring your own pen. Makes it look like you're organised or something.

Sat for 20 mins in the waiting room while they played an hillarious video about all the new entry policies fingerprinting/documents etc. I figure that their aim is that by waying you down with so much paperwork, you won't be able to fit a bomb in your luggage without violating your airline weight allowance. Amongst the golden moments of hypocrisy were:
1. "This is part of our new safe-borders / open door policy"
2. After explaining all the documents and photos and fingerscanning, we were told it was to "enhance our privacy" I kid you not.

Actual "Interview" was easy not one question. Just watched while the dude stapled my documents together and then proceded to inform me as to why I couldn't have the visa today.
Despite phoning the consulate the week before to confirm the fees I have to pay, it turns out I had to pay another $650 anti-fraud fee (the whole other fees only totalled $260). My only consolation was that he got nicely ruffled when I related that I had been told I didn't need to pay.

I'm not paying for this but if I wanted the visa ASAP I had to pay it that day. SO-it was off to the Austin Hospital (nearest PO) to get a money order which was the only payment they would accept. EPTPOS apparently is unknown.
Got to the Austin, there is a queue 12 people long at the PO counter. When I get to third in the queue, the little printer breaks down at the console and I have wait a further 10 mins while the dude tries to fix it. Finally get MO back to the consulate. Exhausted.

Things that are sucky about America #1

Letter size paper and Legal size paper. Legal is shorter and wider than A4 (which happens to be an international standard) so it doesn't fit into folders etc. Pain in the ***.